Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar...

wasn't me, then who? YOU!  You stole the cookies from the cookie jar...

I believe in metaphors, if cookies where hearts then I'm sure you have a jar full of stolen ones.

Can we just clarify that No "pootie" has been stolen or given, but it wouldn't be so funny if he said heart and lets be honest pootie is a hilarious word.

So lets be real, I'm not jaded, I'm not lonely or desperate, I'm not even bitter. I don't need to hear, "the right one will come along" or "You are too pretty to cry over a guy" I think its funny when I do hear "How are YOU single" I always want to just respond because I'm a big fat lesbian. But the simple 'cause I'm crazy usually comes out. But why am I single? I have stopped being able to give myself a good enough response. "cause the right one hasn't come along yet? Noo, plenty of right ones have tried, I just bypass those ones. ehhh too boring. Oh perfect Jessica, this is the one you should date.. this one can guarantee to love you and leave you.  This one has a mess of emotional baggage, you can almost see the ending in sight.  No need to worry about getting attached Jessica, it would be like a leaf trying to attach to the wind.   I think I am more emotionally attached to dresses I have hanging in my closet then I have been to any boy or man in a looong time. 

Let me expose the last venture if you don't mind. Lets just start off with I have nothing bad to say about this person.  He brought me to god, and for that I am forever thankful. But I have also never felt so dumb and not good enough in my ENTIRE life.  I don't want to give it, whatever it was, anymore credit then I should, but I will say, I saw all the signs... I ignored them all. I put my dunce cap on and kept pretending that eventually it was going to be more then it was. I mean if he was jealous over me then he really did love me, he just needed time, I just needed to wait, don't push, don't pull, just let it be.  Well I did, and it was, it was nothing. I was nothing. 

 But the reality is this, and you can disagree with my theory but, I know it to be true.  Most guys just like the thrill of the pretty girl catch.  Its the fisherman way (I'm not even going to get into the fact the last 4 dudes have been spear fisherman, that's another mystery I cant even comprehend) But It's the catch and release theory.  And not to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT, I am a catch. I'm rather adorable. So why the constant release. I hate to say it but is it the baby baggage????  IDK?!?!  But back to my theory.. most guys when it comes to a girl such as myself, they love the thrill of the chase, and trust me I got the chase down. I act like I don't care so much so that this might be the cause of the release.  "treat them like dirt, and they stick like mud" but eventually they stop wanting to play in the dirt.  At this time you do the bait and switch, and not just one party, but both party's.  Now its I who is fluttering about, swimming circles around them or "swimming up stream" trying to get them to want to catch me, Hey look at me, I'm beautiful, charming and adorable... and the dude/dudes "fishermen" well they are asleep with their rod in their hands..Um literally. They are no longer interested in catching the fish, cause they know it wants to be caught, they are now either bored with even the idea of fishing or they have relocated to another pond and are throwing their hook to sea, rod in hand ready for the next catch and release.  Ready for the next fish to be caught, gutted, heart stolen, and thrown back into the water.  Hey boys, come and get it.. A beautiful, charming, funny, heartless fish. "Salmon"

Pretty girls make graves.

or

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.

So, what does one do?? Well I'm not gonna chop my hair off and stop wearing lipstick, I'm not gonna stop fluttering about or stop swimming in general. I cant even promise I'll stop pushing and pulling. I just well, I just don't even know.  Maybe just maybe some hearts really aren't meant to be tamed or maybe I just gotta keep, creep on, creepin on, until I find someone who isn't interested in just the appeal or look of it all, but rather in the fish, its beauty and entirety. Or maybe I should just start dating vegans..

"see-ya salmon"