I could NEVER follow

The time has come the walrus said. Have you ever seen the movie chocolate?? I often feel like that lady, A single mother with her child, moving when the wind changes. Afraid to let anyone in, closed off, yet open to meeting new people, making new friends and enjoying....chocolate. When I say chocolate I of course mean life... of course.

When your growing up everyone always says enjoy this, its gonna be the time of your life. Enjoy high school these are gonna be the funnest times you will ever have. Enjoy college these are gonna be the funnest times you will ever have. Why? The funnest times I have ever had were not by the conformed behaviors of what is expected of high school kids or by the norm of college either. Lets face it I went to college.. and all I got was knocked up. When we become adults or as kids it should always be the funnest time of our life. I live like a gypsy maybe, but I also think this world is too big to be stuck in one place. The grass is always greener on the other side, but whats so wrong with searching for that place, where the green grass grows?

Some of the best friends I have today are from random experiences, places I have lived, schools I have attended, ex-Boyfriends new girlfriends turned ex-girlfriends turned my best friends...weird. I come an I go. I hope though I have touched others lives the way they have touched mine, I hope that these also aren't my funnest times. In my life thus far I've experienced so many times, I've given birth. Its weird to say, but oddly feels good. I've given birth.. I had to say it one more time. I've seen and felt what its like to watch my heart beat out of my own body through my son. I've felt the skin of my skin and thought there couldn't be any moment sweeter then this, and again I was proven wrong with a new day and a new smile of his. I have experienced death, in many ways, some harsher then others. I was changed by death, or so I like to think so.. I think before my brother Jordan passed, I was normal. Or normal in mind. Without panic and anxiety, but I also think that it is his way of making me stronger, without him here to physically protect me, as I always felt he did, I am know mentally strong enough to protect myself. I have been to "the dark side" and back. Danced with the devil drugs and alcohol. I have been so low it felt I could never rise, and I did. I have experienced what its like to be the new girl so many times, too many times. Yet oddly enjoy being thrown into situations were I feel as if I am an inch high and would rather die then introduce myself and have again overcome, and come out of it most of the time with amazing relationships. I have been hurt and I have hurt, but believe I have yet to experience love, the can't live without you kind. Again I blame my mother. I am unable to ever let any man in, for fear of failure. Or hurt. I build my brick wall up so high and push them away so fast. For if I hurt them they can not hurt me. My ONLY down fall. ;) I have lived in the mountains of Colorado, the deserts of Arizona, the cold of Oregon and the beaches of California.

But my funnest times... My best times. Are not over. For everyday I find myself, I cherish my son, a new happy moment has just begun.